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When Bloggers Die – A Belated Thank You July 10, 2012

Posted by alwaysjan in Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
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Teachers are frequently reminded that we DO Make a Difference (and I’ve got the mugs to prove it!). But as I write this, it’s not teachers I have in mind. Summer is my time to get organized. I was recently updating links on my blog and going through the myriad of websites I’ve bookmarked over the last five years in reference to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

I’ve referred so many of my readers to Halcyon. So I was surprised to revisit the site and find that a page had been added in 2011 informing readers that its creator, Joanna M. Ashmun, died in 2009. How could I not have known? Halycon is written with style, heart, and professionalism. Joanna’s website (with footnotes, no less!) is so carefully researched that it’s hard to believe she is/was not a mental health professional.

Then I came across another blog I’d bookmarked, Operation Doubles, which I also found extremely helpful back when I was reeling from my close encounter with a narcissist. It was written by a Kathy Krajo, a professional tennis instructor and editor. When I pressed the link, I was referred to The Path Whisperer where I learned that Kathy died in 2008. Say it ain’t so.

While Joanna’s site Halycon still stands and a Facebook memorial site has been set up, Kathy’s blogs have been reprinted on a variety of other sites including Sanctuary for the Abused.  Both Joanna and Kathy were civilians in the trenches –  people who’d encountered more than their share of narcissists and felt a need to inform and warn the rest of us.

I just want to say kudos to two women who illuminated those dark corners of this disorder with their writing. They helped countless people (myself included) and showed how one doesn’t have to have a bunch of letters after one’s name to write coherently and oh so bravely about a subject that was rarely discussed even five years ago. I knew neither woman personally, but through their writing, I felt like I did.

Although I said this wasn’t about teachers, ultimately, that’s what both Joanna and Kathy were – teachers. They shared their experiences and observations so that the rest of us could learn from them. I’m deeply indebted to them. Their legacy is lasting.

Photo Credit: Leadsmall.org

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1. Donna - July 10, 2012

A Woman and A Woman…..

qnd…? Jan :)

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2. kiwigal007 - July 10, 2012

Hi Jan
What a lovely piece about two inspirational women and their own personal accounts of Narcissism. I know for me that you became a person that I have learnt from whilst writing my own blog and being there for me when I need it or just need to vent. Through your site I have become much more wise when it comes to N’s that I am now sharing things with others, allowing them to realise that it is not all about them as we all thought, its often about the person that they are with, whether that be a spouse, partner, brother, sister, mother, father, friend, another family member or even a work colleague. Coming in here has enriched my mind and at the same time I have made friends along the way so Kudos to you too Jan for sharing us your story and for helping people like me to understand Narc’s just that little bit more, so we can move on, move forward and hopefully in time heal from the pain that many of us have suffered with for so long. Lori, if you are reading this excuse me for not writing to you, I have been so busy with study this year but we must chat or catch up one of these days. Lesley and Jan, my backbones thank you and big hugs to you both for all your support. It never goes unnoticed and I appreciate it greatly!

Thanks,
It’s easy to get so caught up in the craziness/business of our own lives. I wanted to take a step back and acknowledge two women whose writing helped shape my education. We can learn from one another. :) Jan

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3. Tracy - July 10, 2012

Hi Jan,

I have sent the link of Joanna Ashmun’s site, ever since I found it, to so many people. Hers was (I think, & no disrespect intended) the clearest and most concise definition of NPD that I have found. It resonated with me so perfectly that her description was the one which sent me in search of a therapist I could discuss this with. As it turned out, my therapist had actually been a victim himself- so I call it fate how it all played out. The damage done by my N is still there, albeit not to the point of distraction- just that I still have no desire to ever have another relationship again (trust issues). Still, surviving what happened allowed me to see my strength & to accept the support of others- and that was the bright side. RIP Joanna & Kathy.

Tracy.
Joanna’s site resonated with me as well and what I’d been through. I’ve referred so many people to it as it’s well written (but I believe she refined it over a decade). Thanks so much for weighing in on how her observations helped you. I’m constantly amazed at how many people there are out there who “get it” and can pass along information to the rest of us. I count myself lucky for discovering Joanna and Kathy’s sites early on. Jan

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4. Michelle - July 10, 2012

This is a beautiful memorial to both writers, Kathy Krajo, whose blog posts I’ve read several times over the past three years, and Joanna M. Ashmun. (I’m not sure if I’ve ever read the blog, Halcyon by Joanna, but I’ll check it out).

I’ve always felt sad about Kathy’s death, even though I never knew her. I wish I could shout out at the sky a big THANK YOU. I’m sure I’d feel the same about Joanna’s work as well after reading this post.

Thank you for this memorial.

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5. shoutabyss - July 10, 2012

Nice post. And thought provoking, too. Sometimes I scroll through my blogroll and notice how many of the sites have either completely disappeared or haven’t been updated in a long, long time. I always find that a bit sad and I always wonder what might have happened to that person who added something to my existence…

Shout,
I plan on writing my own obit, so as when the time comes, those nearest and dearest to me won’t be at a loss for words (or worse yet, muck it up). I have several blogs on my blogroll that remind me of ghost towns where visitors find the food still on the table, while the people have vanished. I’ve come to think of these people/bloggers as friends, so that’s always disconcerting. I’d wish they’d just hang up a Gone Fishin’ or “Off to Rehab” sign so I know they’re okay. Jan

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6. lesley - July 10, 2012

For me the fact that they caused a pause for thought, even the tiniest reflection means that they live on in how we choose to live our lives. Thanks Jan for making the acknowledgement and thanks Joanna and Kathy.

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7. elissestuart - July 10, 2012

I, too found Joanna very early on in my recovery. Hers were the first articles that I printed out, read, highlighted, and read again. I hope she knew how much she helped others with her information.
ES

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