Turkeys in Disguise November 29, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Art.Tags: Disguising a Turkey, First Grade, Humor, Second Grade, Thanksgiving Art for First Grade, Third Grade
4 comments
Did someone say “Insufferably Cute?” After my last conference (yes, I went to school in my zombified state), I was on my way out the door and saw these. Those First Grade teachers are ruthlessly cutesie. Students had to “disguise” their turkey, so it could escape the carving knife. There were lots of ballerinas and princesses. That one on the end said, “I’m a black hairy monster. My father is Big Foot. If you try to eat me, I’ll eat your first!” Be on the lookout for these turkeys in disguise.
Last Zombie Standing November 14, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Life, Teaching.Tags: Education, Flu, H1N1, Health, Humor, School Nurse, Shaun of the Dead, Swine Flu, Teaching, Zombie Pub Crawls, Zombie Walks, Zombies
4 comments
I’m pumping that hand sanitizer like a lab rat desperate for a reward. So far, so good. I feel like I’m the only person who hasn’t come down with IT. Whatever IT might be. So far I don’t think anyone’s been diagnosed with H1N1 at my school. Just the usual prelude to Thanksgiving flu and chronic bronchitis that dogs you when you’re a teacher and never get to rest your voice. (It’s true – There is no rest for the wicked.)
My husband and son went to see Zombieland the other night. I passed, since I work in Zombieland. Just when one kid comes back to school, another goes down. Pump, pump – More hand sanitizer. I’ve taken to slathering it on my neck and arms. One boy came back after a week out and promptly announced he felt like throwing up. I tossed him a plastic bag along with a pass to the nurse. I have my students trained. I told that straight out, “If you think you’re going to get sick, don’t come to me, cause I’ll run from you.” They laughed, but I was dead serious. I just don’t want to be undead. Seriously.
The school nurse donned her face mask on Friday when she had a roomful of germ factories sick children all complaining of being “hot.” The school librarian told me she’s glad she’s already had IT. ”I got it over with early, ” she said, though she said she’d paid dearly for her immunity. I mumbled something about how quickly viruses mutate, to take that smile off of her face.
November is always a tough month for teachers, what with report cards and all those parent teacher conferences. I’ve just got to make it to Thanksgiving.
When I wrote my post Time Zone Zombie – Asleep at 30,000 Feet, about the world’s longest trip over the Atlantic Ocean, I was looking for a picture of a zombie. Who knew there were thousands of them on Flickr from Zombie Walks around the world? Here’s an activity the whole family can do together. The cool thing is that I wouldn’t even need make-up to play a zombie. I can just crawl out of bed. As a big fan of Shaun of the Dead, I’d be up for the zombie pub crawl myself. That is, if I make it to Thanksgiving.
POST MORTEM: Officially zombified on Nov. 18th. Tried to pass as human for two days, but finally succumbed.
Photo Credit: Zombified Children from Wikipedia’s Zombie Walks
How Did You Get Your Name? November 8, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Teaching.Tags: American Names, Angel Child Dragon Child, Art Lesson Using Name, Baby Names, Family Names, First names, Humor, Parenting, Teaching, Third Grade, Unusual Names
11 comments
I could have been named Susan or Barbara, but the relatives in California nabbed those first. So, I was named Janet. When I got married my husband started calling me Jan. I was fine with that. Because I was such a happy child, my nickname was “Jan-ny Gay.” But that was back before…oh, you know.
When I was in LAUSD’s District Intern Program, (but that was back when there was one), one Saturday morning, our class was asked to stand in a circle and tell how we got our name. It was fascinating exercise, as it was a diverse group.
There were two people whose parents had taken their names from rock ‘n roll songs. Several others had been named after a character in a book or movie. There were the usual biblical names, the juniors, and family names. One man had been named after his father’s best friend who had died.
Several Asians had decided their names were too hard to pronounce, so they chose an “American” name. I’m afraid my Susan, Barbara, Janet story seemed pretty lame in comparison. Why couldn’t my parents have been more creative? Years later when I was a sub in San Gabriel, I smiled whenever I met Elvis Wong (and there were FOUR of them). It reminded me of the book The Year of the Boar and Jackie Robinson. The main character’s American name is Shirley Temple Wong.
Any teacher can recite an exotic list of names of the students they’ve taught over the years. There were twin boys, D’wayne and D’won, and twin girls, Eunique and Especial. Klinsmann. Toshiba. Cinnamon Jade. I could go on and on. Maybe it’s an urban legend, but teachers always swear they’ve heard of a girl named Chlamydia.
Several teacher friends are hoping to get pregnant. They want to do so before every name carries with it the image of a child they’ve already taught.
Recently, I did an art lesson on lines for my third graders using their names. This must be something that third graders have done since the dawn of time, because I remember doing it when I was in third grade. The pharmacist had typed my name as “Janette” on a prescription label. (That was when the pharmacist typed.) I thought “Janette” was was way cooler than “Janet,” so that’s how I wrote my name. My teacher was surprised. My mother was not happy. And me? I was just Janet.
For the “Names” art lesson, students first draw a border the width of their ruler on 8×10 paper. Next, they write their names and color them in with black marker. They use a variety of lines to fill in the background. Diagonal. Wavy. Zigzag. Organic. Have them fill in the lines with colored pencils, as using markers is overkill and you don’t get all of those cool details and colors.
This year, I decided to take the project a step further. We’d just finished reading Angel Child, Dragon Child about a little girl who comes to the U.S. from Vietnam. It was hard, at first, for the students to pronounce the Vietnamese names in the story, but they got better. I always tell children that it’s a sign of respect when you call someone by their given name.
My students’ homework was to find out how they got their name. I wasn’t concerned about the origin of their name. I just wanted students to talk to their parent/s about why they chose that name for their child. (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, ” Your parents spent a lot of time choosing your name, so you can at least write it on your paper!”)
The form I sent home is below. I was surprised that every child actually talked to a parent (this year every child is living with a parent) and returned the form the next day. Okay, one girl told me her name meant “African princess with chocolate colored skin.” She was so busted, but by the time I called home the next day, she was in the midst of a conversation with her mother about how she really did get her name. It’s a fun project. If only I had that girl Chlamydia in my class this year!
How I Got My Name
Last week we read “Angel Child, Dragon Child.” The main character was a girl named Ut, who was from Vietnam. We learned that “Ut” was her “at home name,” or nickname. We also learned that in Vietnam, people say their surname, or last name, first.
How did you get your first name? You need to talk to a parent and find out why they chose this special name for you. They had thousands of names to choose from!
1. Were you named after someone in your family?
2. We’re you named after someone famous?
3. Does your name mean something special?
4. Or, did your parents just like the sound of your name?
Find out how you got your name and write about it below. Do you an “American name” or a nickname? Use the back if you need to.
Photo Credit: Mark Shaver for The Times
Five Ways Facebook Can Get You Fired November 3, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Worth Knowing.Tags: Education, Ethics, Ethics violations by teachers, Facebook, Five Ways Facebook Can Get You Fired, Humor, My Space, Privacy Settings on Facebook, Social Networking, Teachers and Facebook, Teaching, Technology
4 comments
I spent most of the weekend writing a paper for my masters program about an ethics violation related to education. I took a break to sit on the front porch to hand out candy to 300+ trick-or-treaters. I only observed a few ethics violations there. A couple of kids circled around thinking I wouldn’t notice they were double dipping. What they don’t know is I have a smooth slight of hand move. The best part of the evening was when a little girl handed us a handwritten note that said, “Thanks for the great candy!” Pig Maisie, in her witch’s hat, almost flew off the porch.
But back to Facebook. When we were given the assignment to locate an “ethics violation,” my study buddy Teresa, (or FSB as she likes to refer to herself) found that googling “Teachers fired for…” yielded a treasure trove of examples. She settled on the high school art teacher who was fired for making “butt art” (paintings made using his butt and other parts south of the equator) that he put on YouTube. The artist changed his last name and wore a mask, but still ended up as the butt of jokes and was ultimately fired. (Before you roll paint on your backside, you might want to check out his print, Tulip Butts for inspiration.)
I ran across a story about a teacher in North Carolina who listed on her Facebook profile that one of her “Interests” was, “Teaching the chitlins in the most ghetto school in Charlotte.” Ouch! Her attorney cited the school’s demographics as proof that she WAS teaching in a “ghetto” and was just telling the truth. He was mum on the “chitlins” comment though. It was unclear if her privacy settings were in place. She was fired two weeks later.
The unnamed teacher and four other teachers in the district were “outed” when the local TV station trolled through Facebook looking for anyone with a connection to the school district. That alone should send shivers up your spine.
As teachers, we’re held to a higher standard because we’re supposed to be role models for children. That said, teachers are people. We have opinions. But we’re living in an era where the line between a teacher’s professional life and private life is often blurred with help from social networking sites like Facebook and My Space. Just like I tell my third graders, don’t put anything in writing that you don’t want your mother to read or to have read in front of the whole class. It seems like common sense, but there seems to be a shortage of that going around.
I came across Five Ways Facebook Can Get You Fired. It should be mandatory reading for anyone on Facebook or My Space (actually anyone who owns a computer). It gives five examples of how people lost their jobs because of Facebook. Stuff you’d never think about, but stuff you need to know.
The site lists 5 Commandments for keeping your job:
1. Thou Shall Not Reveal – embarrassing details in your status update (or Twitter, or anywhere else for that matter!)
2. Thou Shall Not Post Photos – that in anyway could be construed as being credibility damaging in any way.
3. Thou Shall Not Be Negative – Overly negative, hateful sentiments towards any issue, no matter how strong you feel about it, will certainly rub someone in the wrong way.
4. Thou Shall Not Think You Are Protected – under the First Amendment you have the right to say what you believe via blogs and social networks, but your employer is free to fire you for just about any reason.
5. Thou Shall Not Think They Are Not Listening – Big Brother is most likely watching you as 66% of bosses monitor employees’ Internet connections.
We’re living in a highly connected world, so you need to be careful what you say on-line. It could literally come back to bite you in the butt.
Photo Credit: The Figure 5 by Robert Indiana.
Celebrating the Devil’s Birthday October 29, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Teaching.Tags: Education, Halloween, Halloween Celebrations at School, Halloween in France, Halloween is the Devil's Birthday, Holidays, Humor, Teaching, The Devil's Birthday, Third Grade
9 comments
It was just a matter of time. Sure enough, last week one of my students said, “My mom told me Halloween is the Devil’s birthday.” “Well, that can’t be,” I replied. “Cause my birthday is in April.” A quizzical look. Sometimes, I just can’t help myself.
I try to be hopelessly PC. ”Well, we all have different ideas and opinions. That’s what makes our world so interesting!” I say through clenched teeth. At my school, we arrange for alternative activities for children whose parents don’t want them to participate in the Halloween parade.
Several years back, I had a family who had called their daughter’s first grade teacher to suggest prayers for her. They’d also called to make sure that the teacher wasn’t planning on coming to school dressed as a witch on Halloween. I’m not going to even go THERE. I don’t have to worry ’bout stuff like that since I keep my broom parked in the corner. I tell the kids that’s my transportation. Hey, can’t you tell I’m kidding?
When I taught a bilingual second grade class, my students had no idea how much Spanish I really knew. (The answer was not much.) But one day I was sweeping up a mess and noticed two girls watching me. I said, “Una bruja, si?” (A witch, yes?) The look on their faces was priceless.
My one complaint about Halloween is that if I see one more Scream mask, I’m really going to scream. Okay, make that two. In Los Angeles, it’s usually hotter than Hades on Halloween. Herding a bunch of squirmy kids around in their itchy polyester costumes IS a devil of a job.
My school has a parade, though only children dressed as storybook characters can win a prize. So, we have a lot of grim reapers who are just plain grim since they can’t carry their scythes and pirates without swords. When it comes time to change into their costumes for the parade, I’m in charge of the girls. There is always a plethora of princesses. When I taught fourth grade, I couldn’t help but notice that one of the “princesses” looked more like a Vegas show girl. It was only later we learned she was actually 14! Ay carumba!
My friend Cathy sent me a link to a great story from The New York Times on how the French are starting to warm up to the idea of “Alowine.” Notice how it has “wine” in it. It’s called Pumpkin Eaters, and it’s hilarious.
Being a G-Rated Teacher Sucks October 3, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Teaching.Tags: Dr. House, Education, Gay Students, House, Humor, Teaching, Teaching High School, Third Grade
5 comments
Third grade teachers don’t ever to go to the bathroom, and we certainly don’t swear. On some days I feel like Mary Poppins, when at heart I’m really Dr. House. But high school is a whole different ball game. When my son, Ian, walked into his art class on the first day of school, his teacher, Ms. Thurber, didn’t mince words. She’d been there, done that, and had the t-shirt to prove it.
She informed the class, “I don’t care who is gay, or who you think is gay. Just don’t carve it on the tables.” She continued, ”And if you feel like writing a note that says, ’F&ck Ms. Thurber,’ you can throw it over there on that pile with all the others.”
In a Dr. House vs. Ms. Thurber match-up, my money would be on the old girl. You gotta love a teacher who tells it like it is, but then I teach third grade. Would anyone like a spoonful of sugar?
Photo Credit: Dr. House by sweetxandxbitter on flickr.
Taking Technology for Granted – Louis CK September 29, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Food for Thought.Tags: Conan O'Brien, High Speed Internet, Humor, Louis CK, Technology, Travel
3 comments
When I first saw this I cracked up. It took me a while, but I tracked down this clip. I operate at twitch speed, so I can relate. This is me on an airplane. Enjoy.
Walking the Line September 21, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Teaching.Tags: Classroom Management, Education, Having Students Line Up, Humor, Lining Up, Teaching
6 comments
The quickest way from Point A to Point B is a straight line. But trying to get students to walk in a straight line is akin to herding cats. If I had a class pet, it would be a Australian Sheep Herding dog that could nip at my students’ heels to keep them in line. Ah, if only.
Two years ago, a veteran teacher announced she was going to retire. A week before the end of the school year, I heard her admonishing her first graders to walk in a straight line. OMG. Forty years in the classroom, and she was still repeating the same mantra about walking in a straight line on the very last week. Is this what the future holds for me? I’m afraid the answer is YES.
Why is it so important to walk in a straight line? First of all, my school is huge. If students walk all willy nilly, it’s a slippery slope. One minute they’re bunched together. Two seconds later, you’ve got a full-on stampede.
When I taught second grade, I used to say, “If you start talking, we stop walking!” And I/we did. One day we stopped 32 times on the way to lunch. Seriously. It took us 35 minutes to walk to the lunchroom which was visible from our classroom. I felt like a meanie, but when you have to do walk your class to lunch 180 times, you better get it right from the get go.
One day my students were so noisy in line that I pulled out my lunch and sat on a nearby wall. While they argued and pushed and shoved, I leisurely ate my lunch. ”Just because you guys aren’t ready, doesn’t mean I have to wait to eat,” I said, licking my lips. Can you say Dramatic Effect? I only had to do that once.
I also expect the line leader to set an example. No untied shoes in my line. If your shoelaces look like spaghetti, you have to step out of line to tie them, then go to the back of the line. When you’re in a leadership position, you’ve gotta be ready to roll. Some days the line stretches all the way down the hall. That’s when I say, “Hey, this line goes all the way to Las Vegas. What’s the problem?” The laggards speed up. You’ve got to be close enough to touch the person in front of you on the shoulder. My students know that if they have a problem lining up, they have a guaranteed spot – at the back of the line.
I’m also big on having students walk on the right side of the hall and when going up and down the stairs. I tell my students I’m teaching them to drive. They love to hear that. I also teach them how to do illegal U turns. They love it when I tell them we’re going to turn on a dime.
When my class goes to computer lab, we have to wind our way through those noisy smelly middle schoolers who are changing classes and slamming their locker doors. I’ve mistaken several middle schoolers for parents. I don’t know what these kids are eating, but they’re huge. I warn my students to stick close together because middle schoolers like to eat third graders. One day my students were walking in the hall and heard a middle schooler say, “Boy, I sure am hungry.” I’d never seen my students move so fast. But most important, they were walking in a straight line.
Photo taken at Zinnia in South Pasadena.
Making Book on Book Club September 15, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Life.Tags: Book Club, Book Clubs, Dawn French, Geraldine Granger, Humor, The Vicar of Dibley, White Tiger
7 comments
The three most important things about our book club are booze, food, and what’s that other one? Oh yeah – books. Our book club had a rather inauspicious beginning. Carmella saw the movie The Jane Austen Book Club. Next thing I knew, we had ourselves a book club.
Our first book was A Thousand Splendid Suns (Kelley’s pick) and we got off to a bang up start eating Middle Eastern food at her place. We’d all read the book and talking about women in burkas generated a lively discussion. That was almost two years ago. We’re all teachers, though we let Tina’s sister Angela join because she has a great house a high tolerance for “teacher talk.”
Some books we’ve liked more than others. To be honest, there’s been several times when half of the members downloaded excepts from the book on-line. I think Angela’s last pick How to Talk About Books You Haven’t Read was an apt choice. Angela was the only one who’d read it, but we still talked about it. And ate. And drank.
We’re all crazy busy, and it’s become apparent that Book Club is just an excuse to get together with people we really like under the guise of talking about books. I envisioned intellectual introspection, but what I got was a second helping of fettucini. Can’t remember the book, but the fettucini was killer.
When I went to England last spring, I went to my friend Lesley’s book club. We met at The Station, the local pub, where we spent a fun evening discussing the book White Tiger and the dark side of life in Mumbai while enjoying the local Asphal cider.
Last summer I visited my college roommate Cathy. She’s been in a book club for like a bazillion years. Her book club even has its own blog, Blather, which you’ll find on my blogroll. I was led to believe it was a Serious book club. But while I was there, Cathy’s husband made the observation that they only spend around 20 minutes actually talking about the book at book club. Hmmm. Come to think of it, the last post on Blather was a recipe!
Last Sunday we met at Kristina’s. In the evite there was mention of discussing a possible change to our “book club format.” Every other month? Only New York Times bestsellers? No. It was proposed that we have a theme for the food and everyone bring a potluck dish related to the theme. ”Will the theme be related to the book?” I asked naively. Kristina took a deep breath. “Well, we were thinking that maybe we could just leave out the book part.” She quickly added, “But we can still call it Book Club!” Oh dear. Is this The End or To Be Continued…?
When I emailed my friend Bev in England about this “change in format,” she sent me a link to a hilarious episode of The Vicar of Dibley about what happens at a book club when no one’s read the book. Actress Dawn French plays the female vicar, self-described as a “Babe with a bob cut and a magnificent bosom.” The book club scene is a minute into the clip and is a hoot. Cheers!
Being Facebook Friends with Stephan Pastis – Rats! September 8, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Blogging.Tags: Comics.com, Facebook Friends, Humor, Pearls Before Swine, Stephan Pastis
3 comments
Rat is booted off Facebook because he's a fictional character. He, as usual, gets his revenge.
I’m a big fan of the comic Pearls Before Swine. Brain surgeon that I am, one day I mentioned to my trainer Louis that he happened to have the same last name as the comic’s creator Stephan Pastis. “He’s my cousin,” Louis replied.
He then proceeded to dish the dirt, the way only those with a familial connection can. Okay, Louis is too nice to do that, but he did tell me that out of all the characters, his cousin is most like Rat. Then he showed me Stephan Pastis’s blog.
Louis hadn’t read his cousin’s blog in a while. We laughed ourselves silly reading about Louis’s wedding in It Is Dancing That I Fear. I came home and promptly added stephanpastis to my blogroll. When he posted about how he was desperate for Facebook friends, I succumbed and he “friended” me. Cool.
But I made the fatal error of commenting on one of his facebook status updates. How was I to know that so many of his 4,498 “friends” also felt compelled to comment? My computer dinged every time another person added a comment. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Never again.
I recently read Pastis’s post Love Thy Neighbor, or at Least Give Them Nicknames You Can Remember which is laugh out loud funny. If you’re living in a cave somewhere and haven’t seen Pearls Before Swine, you can learn all about the characters at Pearls Before Swine on Wikipedia. The strip is also on Comics.com. Enjoy.
Teachers Talking Trash September 5, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Teaching.Tags: Art Supplies, Education, Hoarding, Humor, Recyling, Teaching, The Life of a Teacher
4 comments
When you become a teacher, after you’re sworn in and take a vow of poverty, you’re given a list of items to immediately begin hoarding. Paper towel rolls, styrofoam meat trays, yarn, buttons, anything shiny. These items are no longer trash, but “treasures.” Yes, the photo is taken from a flyer teachers received. The trash treasure was coming to us! Of course by the time I saw this, the “Treasure Truck” had already come and gone. Not to worry. We teachers are a resourceful lot.
On the way to see Louis, my trainer, today I saw gold a dumpster. I casually walked by to check out the merchandise. Pay dirt! The local furniture store had thrown out piles of upholstery fabric samples. Each piece was on a miniature hanger, and my first thought was, “What could I use these teeny tiny hangers for? To hang up little books?” Fortunately, that thought passed. I blame it on the heat. It was over 100 degrees, but there I stood stocking up like a squirrel preparing for winter. There was just too much to take in. So now I’m waiting for the sun to set, so I can go back under the cover of darkness for all those vinyl flooring samples. They’ve got to be good for…something!
Last week after our class for our masters degree, my friend Teresa (who lives and breathes art) and I both spotted three bags of shredded documents sitting out in the hall. We couldn’t believe someone hadn’t already taken them. We convinced Erin, who’s in our cohort, to be our cohort in crime. With the bags slung over our backs like Santa, we made our way down the 180 steps to the parking lot below. More than once, Erin asked, “And why do you guys need these again?”
My bag is currently sitting on my living room couch. Oh, the possibilities! My husband just shakes his head. He once watched me climb into a dumpster in New York City to retrieve a cache of heavy duty cardboard rolls. Then there was that dinner we went to where I collected the mussel shells off everyone’s plates. That was for an art project. I had to soak those babies for three days in a bucket of vinegar to get rid of the stink.
Hey, it sure would stink if some other enterprising hoarder teacher beat me to those vinyl flooring samples. The sun has set. It’s time.
Rearranging Deck Chairs on the Titantic aka Classroom Seating August 25, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Teaching.Tags: Classroom Management, Classroom Organization, Education, How to arrange desks, Humor, Seating arrangements, Teaching
6 comments
Over the summer, I’ve spent a good five minutes thinking about how I want to rearrange my classroom. I would have spent more time, but when I walk into my classroom after summer vacation, it looks like a scene from the Titanic – after it hit the iceberg.
To refinish the hardwood floors, the custodians move all the furniture to one side of the room, then shift it back to the other, to refinish the other side. It’s a wonder the school isn’t listing. The only thing that never moves is the monolithic black metal storage cabinet in the corner.
By the time I’ve unstacked all the chairs and tables, and dragged the double wide file cabinet back across the room where it’s supposed to go (putting fresh scuff marks on the refinished floor), my creative energy is spent. I’m tempted to arrange everything the way it was “before.” Unfortunately, if I’ve had a relaxing vacation it’s hard to remember what “before” looked like. That’s why I take lots of pictures at Open House. That’s as good as it gets. When I look at the pictures it all comes back to me. Then I start dragging those bookcases. If only the wheel had been invented when they designed all that heavy school furniture.
For the first two years, I had my students sit in two inverted F formations ideal for direct instruction. ”One, two, three – All eyes on me!” Because some idiot bolted the overhead screen to the far right side of the whiteboard, all of the students need to be seated to one side of the room so they can see it. Grrr…
Last year I had students sit at tables. I’d resisted tables for years as I don’t trust kids when I can’t see their faces. That’s probably because whenever I go to professional developments and find my back to the presenter, I immediately start doodling or holding up funny signs to see if I can make the people across the table laugh.
That said, the table arrangement worked out pretty well. I had two tables of six at the back of the room and two tables of four at the front. I haven’t quite figured out how it’s going to work with increased class sizes this year. I await divine inspiration (and additional desks and tables).
On the first day of school I always let students sit wherever they want. I can quickly see who shouldn’t be sitting next to who. By the second day, the seats they are a changin’. As Chinese military strategist Sun-tzu said in 400 B.C., “You’ve got to keep your friends close and your enemies problem students closer.
Before I had my credential, I worked as a substitute, which to my mind is the best possible training for any aspiring teacher. I remember walking into a middle school classroom and seeing a table full of boys at the back of the class. No teacher in her right mind would put all those boys together. So I did what any cracker jack sub would do – I lied.
I announced that the teacher had left me a seating chart. (I would have settled for lesson plans!) “I’m going to turn around and count to 30. When I’m done, you better be back in your seat, or I’m going to start writing referrals,” I said. I turned my back and began counting. As I heard the frantic game of musical chairs underway, I couldn’t help but smile.
When I turned back around I was greeted by a sea of smiling faces. My bag of tricks is bottomless. That’s why I’m the teacher.
Why I Love Dogs August 17, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Pets.Tags: Dog Intelligence, Dogs, Dogs as Companions, Dogs as Smart as Toddlers, Health, Humor, Oxytocin, Pets
6 comments
Mario's dog Spaghetti belts out a tune
My dogs keep me sane. Just when I’m taking myself or the world way too seriously, our two mutts Petey and Reese engage in their nightly wrestling match that is every bit as entertaining as Lucha Libre. Same thing every night, and every night I laugh hysterically. Every morning Reese sits just inside the dog door so our pig Maisie can’t come in the house. Then later in the day, Maisie lounges in front of the dog door so the dogs can’t go out. It’s like having toddlers again.
The pig thinks she is a dog and lines up with them for a treat. We refer to them as The Three Amigos. Petey, who we believe is half coyote, is the hunter. His prize catch is a sock, which he carries proudly around the house. Thank god dogs threw their lot in with humans, or Petey would have starved to death in the wild.
I recently read two interesting articles on dogs. MSNBC featured an article Dogs are Smarter Than Toddlers. Neither of my dogs would qualify for Mensa as they’re blissfully happy to be canine underachievers.
Pet Dogs Rival Humans for Emotional Satisfaction in New Scientist is also a good read. Researchers found that after playing with their dogs, people showed an increase in oxytocin, known as the “cuddle chemical.” I could have saved those researchers a big wad of cash and told them that up front. Nothing helps put the problems of the world in perspective like a good game of fetch.
My father-in-law’s dog, Penny, recently died after a long happy dog life. He so misses her company that he’s taken to walking his neighbor’s dog every night. Our friend Mario, who’s an opera singer, took the picture of his dog Spaghetti who loved to sit alongside him at the piano and play and sing. Spaghetti has since gone to doggie heaven. Spaghetti’s successor Linguini is no musical prodigy, but more importantly, he’s a dog.
Best Friends Forever August 14, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Personal.Tags: Back to School, Best Friends, Blogging, Deanna Rose Children's Farm, Friendship, Humor, On-line cards, one-room schoolhouse, Ordering greeting cards on-line, Personalized cards, Teaching
4 comments
Someone needed to talk me off the ledge, and Cathy’s card arrived just in time. A card for me? Was it my birthday? I actually had to think about this. Since I’ve been in my masters program and knee-deep in data, I’m not even sure what day of the week it is. Wait a minute – my birthday is in April. Now curious, I tore open the envelope.
Cathy’s a fabulous photographer, who’s usually stalking butterflies and other six-legged creatures with her camera. While I visited her in Kansas City in July, she took pictures at the one-room school house at the Deanna Rose Children’s Farm, which she used for the card above. You can find Cathy’s cards at It’s a Beautiful World. I ordered several and they were top quality and arrived quickly. But here’s what I didn’t know. You can personalize the cards at no extra cost and and even change the message and the font, which is what Cathy did to the card above.
So here’s the personalized message that kept me from jumping off the ledge. I’m sure Cathy won’t mind me sharing it, and I won’t mind if you steal it, though I’m crossing out the stuff that might not apply to you. For the record, I actually cried when I read it.
Dearest Jan,
I’ve really enjoyed our friendship through the years.
You’re so much fun and have a delightful, brilliant and hilarious
take on the world. I’ve loved all of your tales of school and of your other adventures.
I definitely wish that I’d had a teacher like you!
It’s been great blogging along side you in cyberspace.
Your visit here was fabulous!
Hopefully, I’ll see more of you.
I’m so grateful I have you as my best friend forever!
Love, Cathy
FYI: I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming that you are also delightful, brilliant and hilarious. If your name is not Cathy, you might want to change that too. First day of school, this will be sitting on my desk. Thanks Cathy!
You can find more of Cathy’s photos on Catherinesherman, which is on my blogroll.
Swine Flu in a Classroom Near You August 9, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Health, Teaching.Tags: Education, Health, Humor, Pigs, Preparing for the Swine Flu, Swine Flu, Swine Flu and Schools, Swine Flu in the classroom, Swine Flu Precautions, Teaching
6 comments
I’ve read three articles in as many days advising schools how to handle an outbreak of the swine flu. I had my pig Maisie do some research, and she’s reported back with her findings: Although it might not be on your initial class roster, it seems the swine flu is set to enter your classroom this fall.
Federal officials at the Center for Disease Control (CDC) are recommending that schools be closed as a last resort. The New York Times has all the news that’s fit to print, so if you want to check out more stats, acronyms, and some recommendations, click on that link. You can also check out flu.gov.
Fortunately, the initial panic about the swine flue as a pandemic that could potentially kill millions has subsided. But the swine flu is still no laughing matter. Over one million Americans have been infected so far. If you’re a teacher, you’re already accustomed to being on the front lines. Or should I say the first in line to get “what’s going round.” Children have an uncanny ability to sneeze, cough, hack, spew, vomit… Okay, I could go on, but you get the picture. To date, the flu aka H1N1 has been mild and has not mutated – yet. (Cue scary music.)
I, for one, am marshaling all my resources. All teachers are issued a first-aid kit at the start of the year. The first year I kept looking for this “kit.” I finally realized it’s a Ziploc bag containing a pair of latex gloves, some band-aids, and a few cotton balls thrown in for good measure.
The CDC suggested that schools might want to issue masks to personnel. Sounds good, but I’d settle for kleenex. Last year, my students were reduced to blowing their noses on art tissue paper. Hey, it works. But when I tore off a piece of bright green tissue paper and handed it to my new student from Korea, I was shocked when I saw the dye had rubbed off on his upper lip. He had a bright green Charlie Chaplin mustache that wouldn’t wash off. So, kleenex would be good.
It was also suggested that teachers could move students’ desks father apart. Now, my students don’t have individual desks. They sit at tables for two, and now that my class size has been upped from 20 to 24, I’m still trying to figure out where to put THOSE kids. My cup may runneth over, but the space in my classroom does not. The CDC recommends that schools might want to offer web-based instruction for students out sick. Can you hear me laughing hysterically?
One final note. My pig Maisie wanted to make sure I mentioned the CDC said “People cannot become infected by eating pork or pork products. Cooking pork to an internal temperature of 160 degrees Farenheit kills the virus as well as other bacteria.” Maisie doesn’t actually recommend EVER cooking pork.
She also wants you to know she’s never been sick a day in her life. Okay, there was that time she ate five pounds of butter set aside for Christmas baking. But that would upset your tummy too. On a more positive note, Maisie smelled like a butter cookie for a week.
Summer Means Sangria July 27, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Recipes.Tags: Drinks, Entertaining, Humor, Recipes, Sangria, Summer drinks, Summer Entertaining
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My first experience with sangria put me off the stuff for 20 years. My college roommates, Mary and Elisse, mixed up a batch in the bathtub of our apartment for a party. It was either one very small bathtub or one very big party. Gallons of cheap jug wine with apples bobbing and orange slices floating on top. What was that subtle aftertaste – Ajax?
But my husband Richard makes killer sangria, which is what you get to drink if you come to my house. Richard’s one of those people who doesn’t need a recipe. A little bit of this. A little bit of that. He’s an alchemist in the kitchen.
Since I do need a recipe, when he made sangria the other night, I made him stop and measure everything he was “throwing” into the mix. According to Richard, the exact amounts aren’t all that important “because alcohol covers up any indiscretions.” He also said when it comes to ingredients, the cheaper the better.
We tried the sangria at Gus’s the other night, and I dare say it was just a notch above Richard’s. But my alchemist quickly figured out they’d added some Southern Comfort, though the waitress said she’s wasn’t allowed to tell what was in it. So that’s the newest addition to the recipe and it rocks. One pitcher serves 6 (at two glasses apiece). The pitcher goes fast, so you might want to have ingredients for more than one batch.
Richard’s Sangria
Ingredients
1 bottle red wine (cheaper the better)
2 oz. Triple Sec
2 oz. brandy
1 oz. Southern Comfort
10 oz. seltzer
2 oranges
1 apple
1/3 c. sugar
fresh mint (optional, but it’s dang good)
Directions
In a cup, combine 1/3 c. sugar and 1/3 c. water. Put in microwave until sugar dissolves and forms “simple syrup.” Add to pitcher along with the juice from 1 orange (seeds removed), brandy, Triple Sec, Southern Comfort, red wine, and seltzer.
Slice 1 orange, then cut slices into quarters
Slice 1 apple, cutting away midsection with seeds
Add fruit, lots of ice, and a sprig of fresh mint. Enjoy!
The Digital Natives Are Restless July 22, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Food for Thought.Tags: Children and Technology, Digital Immigrants, Digital Natives, Education, Google Maps, Humor, Mark Prensky, Popular Culture, Runzas, Teaching, Technology, War Driving
8 comments
When I arrived at my friend Cathy’s house in Kansas City, the first order of business was to log onto their WiFi account. Cathy had a password written down, but it wasn’t working, so she called her 23-year-old son. Matt rattled it off over the phone. Twenty plus letters and numbers. ”This isn’t a password – It’s the nuclear launch code,” Cathy mused. Once I was back on-line, my DT’s (Digital Tremors) subsided. Whew.
That got me thinking about how everything has changed due to technology. On the flight back to the Midwest, the plane couldn’t take off. ’There are still electronic devices on in rows 15, 32, and 34,” the flight attendant announced. So we waited. Another announcement. Finally, we taxied.
I give my parents, who are in their 80s, a pass on technology. My dad bought a computer years ago and has so many security programs installed to prevent identity theft that every time you press a key a security alert pops up about possible suspicious activity. Talk about killing the creative muse.
Both my parents have cell phones, but I don’t bother to call them because they’re usually turned off. And my parents never figured out how to retrieve messages. I have to admit that it wasn’t until we ditched our landline, that I was forced to figure out all of those features on my cell phone. And I’m still reading up on how to shoot an independent film using it.
While I was visiting my parents, my brother was there along with his daughter, Allison, and her boyfriend, Jeff, both who just graduated from college. For them technology is second nature. Missed the last episode of True Blood? Jeff downloaded if for me and emailed it to my dropbox so I could watch it on my computer.
Jeff carried his iPhone with him and set it on the table during meals. Sitting at Runza Hut, we got talking about whether the exquisite and highly addictive Runza (a doughy mound filled with ground beef and cabbage) was of Polish or German origin. Jeff googled it. Turned out it’s German/Russian. So there. Meanwhile, my phone kept dinging. ”I keep hearing something,” my mother said looking around. It was yet another incoming text message on my phone. Sometimes technology can be too much of a good thing.
Because my parents Wifi connection was spotty, I was worried I’d have to cruise the neighborhood hoping to piggyback on someone else’s wireless. Jeff informed me this is called War Driving. I googled the Urban Dictionary just to make sure. Who would have known?
My parents were most impressed with how you can go to Google Maps and see a 360-degree street view of your home. And all of this on an Iphone! When my mother asked how we could look inside the houses, I bit my tongue. Then my dad asked how much an IHOP costs. There’s a learning curve here and at this late stage in their lives, it’s a steep a hill to climb. No, make that a mountain.
Last summer, I read an interesting article called Digital Natives, Digital Immigrants by Marc Prensky that explains how those who’ve grown up with technology, the digital natives, actually think and process information differently than the rest of us. Whether you teach kids, have one, or were ever one yourself, it’s a fascinating read.
Baby Doll Brawl – From Bach to Iggy Pop June 28, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Entertainment.Tags: Baby Doll Brawl, Entertainment, Humor, Iggy Pop, L.A. Derby Dolls, Popular Culture, Roller Derby, Sports, The Aftershockers, The Prom Queens
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“Girls, fishnets, track slapping, heart stopping ACTION! Could there be anything more American? Red, white and bruise!” How’s that for a promo? That’s how I came to be standing in one very long line on a hot Saturday afternoon in East Hollywood outside The Doll Factory. Just the night before, we’d driven to Claremont to hear my niece play Bach on cello in a picture perfect setting. What a difference a day makes.
“We’re roller derby virgins,” the woman ahead of me announced. She had a husband in tow and a couple of kids. No visible tattoos. Not at all what I’d expected. ”Me too,” I volunteered. “Do you think this means we’re going to be sacrificed to a volcano?” From the rumbling coming from inside The Doll Factory, this seemed a distinct possibility, as the DJ had the bass cranked up.
This was my friend Kelli’s (aka Kocoa Krunch) skating debut with The Baby Dolls, the up and comers in the L.A. Derby Dolls. I’d been hearing Kelli talk about roller derby for almost a year. At 39, she’s a little long in the tooth to be an up and comer, but she’s also got long legs that stretch to Cleveland, her hometown. An actress (and sometimes substitute teacher), Kelli may be the only person I know who can pull off wearing silver lame hot pants.
The Doll Factory is an airy warehouse. Instead of a mirrored disco ball, there’s a mirrored roller skate suspended over the banked track. For $10 you get standing room only tickets and a trip to the porta-potties outside. We’d sprung for the $20 VIP tickets so we could sit on bleachers and use the VIP bathroom. (It’s VIP because there’s only ONE toilet.)
Inside it was loud – like being trapped inside a pinball machine. There was a Vendor Village where you could buy everything from pizza to organic enchiladas (Hey, it’s L.A.!) and the Beer Garden where you could swill Tecate while watching the action on a big screen. During the Skate Out, when the players warm up, they really crank up the music. But it set the mood, which was fun and raucous. And somewhere in the middle of Iggy Pop’s Lust for Life, my stuffed up ear from my summer cold blew out. Suddenly, life was good - and much LOUDER.
Roller Derby is an American sport (the only other being basketball), so we were asked to stand while Jes-sicka Rav-edge sang the national anthem (and did a bang up job). Two periods. Lots of action. Kelli had a very vocal contingent and her husband, Kap’n Krunch, got a shout out. She spent some time in the penalty box, but since I’m a newbie, I figured that was because she looked too good in those hot pants. But I have lots to learn. Kelli’s team, the Meteorfights, came from behind to beat the Scars and Stripes then took a victory lap around the track.
A sampling of the skater’s names: Marina del Rage, Queen Elizadeath II, Wanda B. Onya, and May Q. Holla on the Meteorfights and Tilda Whirl, Eat-It Piaf, Got MILF?, and Helen Surly Frown on the Scars and Stripes. Everybody has a name, including the referees (e.g. Charlie Frown), who in their black and white striped shirts, were referred to as “zebras.” The official photographer wore a shirt emblazened with “Stalkerazzi.” I think the only person on the track who didn’t have a name was the EMT. He needs to get crackin’ before the bones do.
Since everyone I know seems to have The Cold, I thought I’d put up the cure (not to be confused with The Cure).
Playground Posse June 22, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in Teaching.Tags: Education, Health, Hot Cheetos, Humor, Junk Food, Teaching, The Playground, Third Grade, Yard Duty
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As a “highly qualified teacher” it’s only fitting that I’m expected to do Yard Duty for 15 minutes twice a week. (Andy Warhol had the math wrong – It’s 15 minutes of fame 2 times a week for an entire school year!) This job is just too important to be left to amateurs, although my posse includes minimum wage employees.
This year we got to “choose” the days we wanted had to do yard duty along with the times. I signed up to do the “before school” shift, not because I’m an early morning person, but to get it out of the way.
I lucked out and got assigned to the climber and back basketball court. Whew! I managed to dodge the most dreaded of all Yard Duty assignments – Supervising the restrooms. That’s where the real action is. But assignments change each year, so I’m not counting my chickens.
When I’m on yard duty, I’m basically back on Sixth Grade Safety Patrol. Throw in a little Mall Cop and the LAPD’s “to protect and to serve” motto. You get the picture. A lot of school districts hire people just do to Yard Duty aka Playground Supervision, but not my district. This is not a job that just anyone can do.
Case in point. When my husband was in art school, he got a lunchtime job working as a Playground Aide at the local public school. He was fired after two weeks when he kicked a kid in the butt, after the kid spit on him. Unlike my husband, I take pride in my ability to maintain a cool demeanor when spittle is dribbling down my face. A police officer once told me, “I couldn’t do the job that you do – not without my gun.” That’s why us teachers get paid the big bucks.
Monday Morning. ”Hey you!” I yell. ”It’s Monday. First graders only on the climber!” “But I AM in first grade,” the boy protests. I look him over. This kid is HUGE. Freakishly huge. But several other first graders assure me he is indeed in first grade. Geez Louise. When Tyrano-boy runs across the bridge, the entire structure shudders. I decide to keep an eye on him. ”I’m watching you,” I say, just to let him know I’m nobody’s fool.
I spend an inordinate amount of time standing at the bottom of the slide repeating the mantra. ”We don’t go UP the slide, we go DOWN it.” I say this so often and to the same kids, that someone suggested we just have a recorded message. Hey, I came up with an even better idea. You know those metal spikes that puncture your tires when you drive the wrong way?
I also do a lot of conflict resolution which usually culminates with rock, paper, scissors or an insincere, “I’m sorry.” Every day it’s the same kids who get in trouble. Hmmm, I wonder.
And there’s always a small group of junkies students who huddle under the climber snarfing Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. NPR did a great segment called Kids Love Hot Cheetos But Schools Hate Them. We teachers know the signs. Red encrusted lips and the insatiable need to drink water.
At my old school, I was on Yard Duty on day when I got a report of illicit activity in the girls restroom. I slipped into the girl’s restroom and could hear the telltale rustling of the bag in the last stall. There I found three Latino girls standing on the toilet sharing a Family Size bag of Hot Cheetos. “You are so busted!” I said. I like to use that line of Kevin Spacey’s from American Beauty. In fact, I like it so much, I actually look for opportunities to use it.
Wednesday Morning. “Hey you!” I yell. “It’s Wednesday. Third graders only on the climber!” Since I teach third grade, I can easily sort these kids out. Third graders have typically graduated from Flamin’ Hot Cheetos to cell phones.
Personally, I don’t have a problem with kids having cell phones, as long as they keep them in their backpacks. But kids seem to have this need to show their phone to friends. They Show and someone Tells. That’s when I step in. “Oh, you are so busted!” I announce, as I confiscate the phone. What they don’t know, is that when I walk away, I can’t help but smile. Hey, I’m nobody’s fool.
Computer Says No June 15, 2009
Posted by alwaysjan in TV/Film.Tags: British Humour, Catherine Tate, Customer Service, David Walliams, Humor, Little Britain, Pop Culture, The Catherine Tate Show
3 comments
My friend Bev in England introduced me to British comedienne Catherine Tate when she posted a link to one of her sketches on Youtube. (You’ll find it in comments on Seeing Red.) Tate has appeared on Little Britain and The Catherine Tate Show. Whooies know her as Dr. Who’s most recent companion, Donna Noble.
When I mentioned Catherine Tate to my English friend Lesley (who I think could do a spot on impression of Tate’s cheeky Lauren Cooper character), she told me her favorite bit from Little Britain is “Computer Says No.” Comedian David Walliams plays Carol Beer, who provides the world’s worst customer service. In the first season, Carol worked at a bank, then at a travel agency, and most recently at a hospital. These sketches are so well known in the UK, that “Computer says no” has become part of the lexicon.
In each sketch, every inquiry from a customer is answered with the “computer says no,” which is followed by a cough. There are probably a dozen variations of this on Youtube, and in each one the cough comes at a different point, which always keeps you guessing.
Lesley, who manages the local library in Framlingham, England, relayed this story. A 95-year-old woman came into the library and asked if a book was available. Lesley typed in the title and couldn’t help but say in her most deadpan voice, “The computer says no.” The woman paused for a second and then said, “Aren’t you going to cough?” Enjoy.
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