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The Mirror Talks – Reflections on Narcissism #5 February 23, 2011

Posted by alwaysjan in Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
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In this series, I’m using a “search term” I’ve come across as a jumping  off point for a discussion. (Please read my Close Encounter with a  Narcissist series first, or it’s like walking in after the movie’s started. Shhhh!) Here goes.

Does the Narcissist Miss Me?

After you pick a flea off a dog, does the flea miss the dog?  No, it misses its supply of blood. But, any dog will do – any warm body for that matter. Sorry. I know that’s not what you wanted to hear.

We all want to think we are/were special. We want the N to miss us. We bent over backwards to please them. We were emotional contortionists. But the sad truth is that once the D&D (Devaluation and Discard) is underway, you’re like yesterday’s newspaper – something to be put out with the trash.

I’m constantly amazed, but not surprised, at how many people ask, “How do I get a N back?” That’s like asking, “How can I get my cancer to metastasize? Could I have a second helping of abuse, please?” Why do you want this emotional vampire back in your life?  Usually, it’s because you think this time, knowing what you do, you can change the outcome. But, that’s magical thinking on YOUR part. The script allows no room for improvisation. After Act 1 (the Idealization Phase, Act 2 (Devaluation), and Act 3 (Discard), the show is over. The End. Any further contact with the N will be like watching a rerun. Only this time you know how it ends. Do you really want to be left sitting alone in a dark theater watching the credits roll – credits that omit your name because your appearance was left on the cutting room floor? (Okay, with digital technology that’s a reach, but you get the idea.)

Some people want the N back so they can turn the tables and get The Final Word. They want to be the one to do the discarding – on their terms. I understand the sentiment (if you can call it that), but it’s a grand waste of time. Even if you get The Final Word, the N will have their fingers in their ears taunting, “But I can’t hear you!”

“But I loved them!” you protest. Know this – the N values the attention of total strangers more than attention from their nearest and dearest. The attention of total strangers gives them a rush – an affirmation that their false self is real. Hey, these people are buying my BS! (Even if the strangers aren’t buying their BS, most likely they’re too polite to call them on it, unlike you.)

So while you’re waiting for the N to return, they have an entire world of people who they have yet to meet. An audience waiting to be wowed. People who are gullible – like you once were.

Knowing this, why would you want the N back?  There will be no apologies, acknowledgements, or closure. This is as much about you as it is about them. So ask yourself again. Why do I want the N back?

Read The Mirror Talks – Reflections on Narcissism #6.

Photo Credit: Jan Marshall

Orange Blast from the Past February 13, 2011

Posted by alwaysjan in Recipes.
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When I was a kid, the minute we arrived at the mall, my family got in line at the Orange Julius stand. An Orange Julius was the first smoothie and the recipe was TOP SECRET!  What was that powder sprinkled on top?  Whatever it was, people would wax poetic about its amazing taste.  It was like watching a bunch a methadone addicts lining up for their fix. I, being deeply suspicious of all fruit except bananas and maraschino cherries, never indulged in this rapturous experience. Not even a sip.

But three two weeks ago, I had what a colleague loves to refer to as a “Come to Jesus moment!”  I stopped at Vroman’s, our local book store.  The clerk, alarmed by all my sniffling and hacking, suggested that I might need some Vitamin C. Well, I’m not one of those people that thinks Vitamin C cures all that ails you – unless it’s scurvy.  But when I stopped at  Zeli’s for a coffee on my way out, I instead decided to order something called an Orange Blast. Now, you have to understand that I NEVER order orange juice.  It’s usually too acidic, and I don’t like the pulp. What can I say?  I was a picky eater. I was the weirdo in Girl Scouts who packed a strainer for campouts. No pesky lemon pulp in my lemonade! But something in my body craved orange juice.

I was handed a drink that was HEAVEN in a glass.  It cost me almost $5, but each sip was liquid gold.  On my way out, I asked the barista how he’d made it.  It was simple:  Orange juice, a splash of Torani vanilla syrup (the stuff you put in coffee), a splash of half  ‘n half, and ice.

The next week I woke up twice in the middle of the night craving this incredible concoction.  My son wandered out to find out why the blender was going full blast at 3 a.m.  To make things even sweeter, we had a big crop of juice oranges from our front tree.  Oh, life doesn’t get any better than this!

I went online to see if an Orange Blast was actually an Orange Julius by another name.  Who knew there were so many recipes and conspiracy theories as to what an Orange Julius contained?  I found one recipe that used vanilla pudding mix and another made with Tang!

I went through the last of our fresh oranges, so yesterday I stooped to using Tropicana Homestyle with some pulp. It was delicious! Note: The proportions aren’t really important.  You can always add an extra splash of vanilla or half ‘n half.  Too much ice makes it less creamy. Half the fun is tasting it along the way. Amen!