Rats! June 28, 2010Posted by alwaysjan in Home Front.
Tags: Humor, Johnny Rat, Last Day of School, Pest Control, Rat mites, Rats in the House, RIFs
Okay, while rats is the operative word, it’s a metaphor for so much more… Rats leaving a sinking ship, as in eleven, count’em, Thank You cards lined up to sign for colleagues who received a RIF notice. Rats! Some of the best teachers ever are being put out to sea, while the sinking ship that is education takes on more water (aka students).
To add insult to injury, as the teachers struggled to pack up last Friday, the fire alarms went off at one-minute intervals – for five hours (okay, they took a break for lunch). My son, who was helping me pack up my room, looked stricken. I said, “Can you see how this could drive you crazy?” as we wandered in circles looking for the one roll of masking tape we needed to cover all the bookshelves with paper. Especially, if you’re already crazy to begin with,” he shot back, but I’m immune to his caustic comments. I don’t know why the military engages in waterboarding, when the most effective form of torture I can think of is having you pack up a filthy classroom with fire alarms blaring. Think about it.
I checked out of the school by 1 p.m. My husband was late joining us for lunch. He’d been at home waiting for “Johnny Rat,” the pest control specialist, to check out our growing rat problem. (Yes, that’s how his name is printed on the card.) Think tiny claws in the walls at night and palm fronds that suddenly collapse with tell-tale nibble marks. We’ve been in denial about “the rat problem” for years.
When I wrote I Smell a Rat, we were talking about ONE rat. Now we’re talking about legions. Think of the movie 300 only with rats in the starring roles.
So Mr. Rat and his sidekick, Nelson, from the Rat Patrol took a look see, and the news wasn’t good. I think the only reason we don’t have a termite problem is because the rats have crowded them out. So my first day of summer vacation was spent listening to the ills that could befall of us if we don’t take care of “the rat problem.”
I now know way more than I ever wanted to know about personal lives of these wily rodents (or vermin, depending on your POV). We were informed that once the rats had all been trapped and new screening installed so they can’t jump from the trees onto the roof and move back into the attic, that a new problem of biblical proportions will emerge. Rat mites! Without a delicious rats to feast on, the starving mites will come looking for fresh flesh and blood…us! Through the walls…through the ceilings. We couldn’t write the check fast enough. This will be an ongoing battle and from an evolutionary standpoint, the rats have an advantage. We’ve trimmed all of the bushes and trees four feet back from the house. Johhny Rat and Nelson are all that stands between us and these flesh eating mites.
Mr. Rat winced when we introduced him to our son’s two pet rats, Peanut and Brittle. My husband informed him that rats are smart and make great pets. Johnny agreed that they are smart as he’s been trying to outsmart them for years. But the look on his face said it all. Pet rats! I think he thought we were crazy. But then he met the pig and now he knows for sure. Rats!