Steve Jobs, iNarcissist December 12, 2011
Posted by alwaysjan in Uncategorized.Tags: Apple, Candle Ap, Free Candle Ap, Health, Maureen Dowd, Michael Maccoby, Narcissism, Narcissistic Leaders, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Steve Jobs biography, Steve Jobs Narcissist, Was Steve Jobs a Narcissist?
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Steve Jobs was obsessed with beauty. He was a perfectionist who did not suffer fools. He could be a tyrannical boss who brought out the best in some, while humiliating others deemed less worthy. He could be incredibly charming. More frequently, he could be a pompous ass given to fits of crying when he didn’t get his way. Yes, he changed the world. But make no mistake, Steve Jobs was a classic narcissist.
I was surprised when I read The Limits of Magical Thinking, an otherwise insightful article by Maureen Dowd, and there was no mention of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). She had read the Walter Isaacson biography. There’s one mention of him suffering from possible mild bi-polarity. Hello? How could she have not seen the red flags?
I have to admit was a bit perplexed when I heard Jobs had asked Walter Isaacson to write his biography so his children might better know him and why he often wasn’t there for them.
I bought the book the day it was released, so I, too, might better know Steve Jobs. I’m an avid Apple consumer, dare I say devotee. Upon learning of his death, I wrote Steve Jobs – The Real Big Apple as a tribute. But, I have to admit that my knowledge about Steve Jobs as a person was sketchy. What can I say? I must have been busy breastfeeding and changing diapers when he was on the cover of TIME. And speaking of covers, Steve Jobs personally approved the cover design for his biography. (He was a control freak to the end.)
It’s been a while since I parted with $32 for a hardcover book, so as I was reading, I hesitated marking up the book. But after the umpteenth reference to his ability to “manipulate” others, I pulled out a pencil. The book now looks like a dot-to-dot drawing. If you connect them, you have yourself a world-class narcissist, albeit an extremely productive one.
Most telling was Jobs’ relationship with Tina Redse which ran hot and cold for five years. After one argument, she scrawled “Neglect is a form of abuse,” on the wall to his bedroom. According to Isaacson, “She was entranced by him, but she was also baffled by how uncaring he could be. She would later recall how incredibly painful it was to be in love with someone so self-centered. Caring deeply about someone who seemed incapable of caring was a particular kind of hell that she wouldn’t wish on anyone, she said.”
It was only after they broke up that Redse helped found OpenMind, a mental health resource network in California. She read about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and realized that Jobs met the criteria – perfectly. “It fits so well and explained so much of what we had struggled with, that I realized expecting him to be nicer or less self-centered was like expecting a blind man to see,” she said. “It also explained some of the choices he’d made about his daughter Lisa (born out of wedlock just like Jobs was) at that time. I think the issue is empathy – the capacity for empathy is lacking.”
Even as Jobs contemplated marrying his wife Laurene, he still had not decided if he was going to put all of his apples in one basket. (Sorry, that’s one pun I couldn’t resist!) He asked friends who they thought was more beautiful, Tina or Laurene. What’s funny is Tina was so not available at that point.
Though married for 20 years, I believe that Steve Jobs’ “Ideal Love” was not his wife, Laurene, but Apple, the baby he’d created back in that garage with Steve Wozniak. Laurene was obviously a strong woman with a life of her own. She makes brief cameos in his biography always playing the consummate nurturer. At one point, she and one of their daughters appear in beekeepers suits. She was obviously warm and giving and made up for his physical and emotional absence. It’s an all too familiar dynamic.
If you’ve had a close encounter with a narcissist, you’ll see red flags everywhere in the book. The only difference between your garden variety narcissist and Steve Jobs is that his magical thinking served him well, at least in business. He was a millionaire at 25. Imagine how that fueled his NPD? Though he walked around barefoot, he still couldn’t walk on water though there are those who would argue that I’m wrong.
I found Walter Isaacson’s biography to be an excellent read. But will his book help Jobs’ children better understand their father? I think not. Steve Jobs remains an emotional enigma even in death.
I came across another great article Narcissistic Leaders: The Incredible Pros, the Inevitable Cons by Michael Maccoby and originally published in the Harvard Business Review. Very interesting reading indeed.
One more thing…This post was written on my beloved MacBook, the photo was taken with my iPhone, and as I write this I’m listening to music on my iPod. Oh, the iRony.
Photo Credit: Jan Marshall
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I’ve on the waiting list for the book at the library, so I’m glad you gave me a preview. Of all of the reviews, I’ve read about Isaacson’s book and the articles I’ve read about Jobs himself, I think yours really captures what everyone else just danced around. The man was a Narcissist! People still don’t get what that is.
I don’t have any iProducts, so I hadn’t pay much attention to Jobs except for the periodic reports of his illness and really didn’t read much about him until he died. We’ll see how the company prospers now that he’s gone. He cheated co-founder Steve Wozniak in the beginning, and yet somehow Wozniak stayed with him and remained a friend.
Jobs’ wife is described as a Superwoman who was supportive, which makes sense. I’m sure he felt that he deserved nothing less, a woman who could do anything but seemed to do mostly what he wanted.
I look forward to reading Isaacson’s biography. Thanks for another great post!
Cathy,
Yes, he cheated Woz over a very trivial amount but never owned up to it. For those who know a thing or two about narcissism, it reads like a case study. A, Jan
Steve Jobs was a businessman, first & foremost. The fact that he was likely NPD shouldn’t come as a revelation or a shock- it’s the perfect pairing, big-biz leader & NPD…
He also had a very refined sense of aesthetics & that showed in his products. This will be his legacy, I think, even more than his running of Apple.
His treatment of his family? Well, again, typical NPD- no time for much except themselves. The wife/GF’s were adults who at least had the chance to walk away- I feel more for the kids. They may have wealth, but we all know what growing up with an NPD can do to you…Good luck to them…
Tlfortune,
Yes, you’re right on every count. In the article I linked to about narcissistic leaders, you realize how narcissism can make someone more productive in the business arena. And dang, if I don’t love the esthetics of my Apple products. Someone donated an old Mac to my classroom. I called it “the baseball computer” because it sits on a half sphere. It’s got an adjustable screen that’s perfect for my students. In the book, I learned its design was inspired by the sunflowers that Laurene grew in the garden. For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why the on/off button was way around toward the back. After reading the book, I figured out that most likely it was put there so it didn’t mar the esthetic of the design. Jan
I must confess that I know very little about NPD. As a layperson with little knowledge of psychology, though, I often find myself puzzled by how our society lauds prominent people whose behaviors seem dysfunctional to me — and whose treatment of others seems positively abusive. Do you think society rewards narcissists? Do you think that many “great leaders” have psychological disorders? (And forgive me if this question is glib or naive or un-answerable!)
Anne,
Not to be glib, but YES and YES. And I’m afraid it’s always been so. If you read “Narcissistic Leaders: The Incredible Pros, the Inevitable Cons,” the article I linked to, you’ll realize just how common this is – and why. Jan
Isn’t writing a blog kind of a narcissistic thing to do?
Tim,
It depends. Is writing a book a narcissistic thing to do? With the publishing industry in shambles, I know many writers who hone their writing skills through blogging. (Hint, hint!) I suppose doing anything for an audience has an element of narcissism involved. Even more so when you’re writing exclusively about your life and posting pictures of yourself. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I love to wake up and see that people from four continents read my blog during the night. The other day I finally had a hit from Iceland. It made my day! But many of the hits are from people desperately looking for information on narcissism. I remember being in that state of mind, so I’m glad to be of some help.
FYI: I’m constantly amazed by people on facebook who post constant status updates, as though I really cared that they were at 24-Hour Fitness.
I suggest you read “Narcissists Can Be Identified by Their Facebook Accounts.” Jan
Excellent article. Thanks for the referral. Also recommend from the same site (www.science20.com) “Pedantic Semantic: Or, I Do Not Think This Word Means What You Think It Does.”
Tim
Hi Jan!
I have not read this book though several people mentioned it to me. They’ve asked if Steve Jobs was a narcissist, to which I had no answer. Now they can read your article because you brought up important points that the average reader might miss if they didn’t know about ‘narcissistic personalities.’
I really enjoyed your review, your research, and your diagnosis. Thank you!
Hugs,
CZ
p.s. @Macoby’s article refers to ‘nonclinical narcissism’, which is not a personality disorder. These are high-functioning narcissists. Like Steve Jobs. Comparing him to the narcissists in Macoby’s article was spot-on brilliant.
p.s. @Tim: writing a blog is a narcissistic thing to do. So is highlighting your hair, shaving, writing a resume, and offering your opinion.
CZ,
Thanks for my first good laugh of the day.:) Jan
This is an excellent post. I do believe he was a bit of a narcissist, but I think Jobs might have a had low grade Asperger’s syndromes as well. I too suffer from Asperger’s. And I think sometimes appearing emotionally aloof can come off as uncaring or as n. I think people misinterpret it that way. Basically sometimes, we don’t know or understand what we are “supposed” to be feeling. Or I might have NPD too. (See how I turned it in to being about me.)
Horrorfatale,
Jan
I’ve had five boys as students over the years who had Asperger’s. I have to say that not one of them had a mean bone in his body. But you’re right, they can appear aloof because they don’t know how they are supposed to respond. All of the boys I knew were incredibly bright, highly verbal, and gifted artists. I’d be interested to hear your take on Steve Jobs after you read the book.
** Or as narcisim, I meant in one of those sentences. LOL!
narcissistic – wow
Haha! Sounds like you’ve had a day like I’ve had. >wink! Jan
Yup. I suspected he had NPD while reading Issacson’s book. Infact I spent my entire time reading the book, noting down each aspect of his life that gave away that he was a Narcissist.
One thing I wonder though, and perhaps you can share your thoughts on this. How do some Narcissists become so successful? How do they get away with abuse, neglect and indeed many more otherwise unacceptable behaviours?
Is it just luck? Or…is it a natural tendency of ordinary people to accept authority, the more abusive the authority, the safer we feel being under their wing?
Cheers,
‘belle’
Belle,
The link to the article, “Narcissistic Leaders – The Incredible Pros, the Inevitable Cons” addresses many of the hows and the whys. Here in the U.S., the presidential primaries are underway. Argh! What a cast of characters! One political commentator said that voters will forgive a candidate’s lapses in moral judgement as long as he possess a VISION (whether it is delusional or not).
I do think you are right about most people accepting authority. I believe many are happy to let the person who is “most driven” do the driving while they simply go along for the ride. It’s so difficult to reason with these difficult personalities, that it becomes easier to give them more room. Anyone who has had dealings with a narcissist also knows how you begin to alter your own behavior so as not to set them off. Thanks for stopping by.
Jan
“Or I might have NPD too.”
Short answer: Anyone with a blog has NPD.
Will79,
Please read CZBZ’s response to the same question on this thread. Please reserve judgement until after you’ve read Steve Jobs’ biography. I’m an Apple person, so it was hard to read. Maybe you need to get a blog…. Jan
“Anyone with a blog has NPD” …….
if that is the case then it is a pandemic…..:)
Judging by Jan’s blog – I am in good company.
ES
Gee ES,
Jan
We can live on our own planet (okay, it has to be MINE) and just blog to our hearts’ content.
For your dining and dancing pleasure (“from the Make Believe Ballroom, high atop the Hotel Continental…”), the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly (Feb. 24 cover date, Whitney H. cover), p. 79, there’s an article called “The Narcissist’s Playlist.”
Tim,
I’ll have to check this out. They do seem to work from the same Play Book. LOL. Jan